Condensed Version of History!


It thought a humorous aside would be a nice change of pace.  Please note, this is uniquely American, but surely this could be adapted for other nations.  I got this in my email…..  Smile 

For those that don’t know about history … Here is a condensed version:
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers.
clip_image003They lived on deer clip_image004  in the mountainsclip_image005 during the summer and would go to the coastclip_image006 and live on fish and lobster in the winter.clip_image007

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beerclip_image008 and the invention of the wheel.clip_image009

The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.clip_image010 These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1 . Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beerclip_image013 was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.clip_image014 Neither the glass bottleclip_image015 nor aluminum canclip_image016 were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting clip_image017 around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.clip_image018 That’s how villages were formed.clip_image019

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at nightclip_image020 while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement…

Other men clip_image021  who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ’sclip_image022 and doing the sewing,clip_image023 fetching, and hair dressing.clip_image024 This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.clip_image025
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men.
clip_image026  Some note worthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,clip_image027the invention of group therapy, group hugs,clip_image028 and the concept of Democraticclip_image029 voting to decide how to divide the meatclip_image030 and beerclip_image031 that conservatives clip_image032provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.clip_image033 Liberals are symbolized by the jackassclip_image034 for obvious reasons.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine
clip_image035 or imported bottled water. They eat raw fishclip_image036 but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. clip_image037 Most social workers, clip_image038personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamersclip_image039  in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitterclip_image040 rule because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer,
clip_image041 mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meatclip_image042  and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, clip_image043rodeo cowboys,clip_image044 lumberjacks, clip_image045construction workers,clip_image046firemen, medical doctors, police officers, clip_image047  engineers, corporate executives,athletes,members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.  Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America .  clip_image048   They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today’s lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to

angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.

And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self….

h/t Vickie! 

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8 Responses to Condensed Version of History!

  1. Vickie Bush says:

    Glad you enjoyed this one James 🙂

  2. kim2ooo says:

    Reblogged this on Climate Ponderings and commented:
    Ha ha a ha FOREWARDING

  3. DirkH says:

    That’s anti-scientific!

  4. tckev says:

    The Faculty of Humanities, Music, and the Arts has deemed this anti-scientific.

  5. philjourdan says:

    Beer is the basis for converting from a hunter gather society into a communal farming society. At least that is one (serious) theory that I have seen.

  6. Me says:

    😆 Priceless!

  7. They commonly are not that fantastic either XD.

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